A Rosie Reminder & Resolution

Very unexpectedly and unintentionally on Saturday morning, I felt reminded that I’m lucky to be alive. I showed up 10 minutes early at the gym for my new favorite class, Body Combat. The teacher is fun and funny and awesome. The teenage dancer in me wants to kick while the bitter, angry old lady wants to kick ass.

About a half-dozen people sat outside the class before it started, discussing the ridiculously cold weather. I admitted to running outside the day before, “just to see what it’s like.” I told them I wore two pants, two jackets, two hats, two gloves and survived with the exception of the skin on my face aging 10 years. Privately, I wondered if nearly three hours in the sun and heat for the marathon in October was just as harmful.

When it turned to small talk with strangers, I turned to Rosie, sitting on my left. I had an Aunt Rose. Plus, one of my oldest, dearest friends has a sister Rosie. It doesn’t take much for TMI Sarah to appear, so when Rosie mentioned she used to run, I shared that I have epilepsy. I explained the laps I did in my neighborhood allow family to follow me in case of a seizure, more so than a way to escape from below zero weather. She noticed I was wearing a marathon sweatshirt and asked, “Do you do this too?!” to which I proudly answered that I run for the local Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Chicago.

When we made our way into class, Rosie asked if I thought about doing public speaking engagements about my health story. I was honored by her sincere question and explained how I did speak about it years ago because I was diagnosed while working as a newscaster in Wisconsin. I also told her about the current Chicago public service announcement campaign which Rosie seemed familiar with. (Thank you CBS2 Chicago!)

Rosie’s support and response made my day. We punched and kicked the air on opposite sides of the room for an hour. I punched harder yet happier despite who I pictured punching and kicking for an hour in the face, gut and legs. Especially when the first song was about liars but  I digress.

I don’t think it does any good to say I “have” something but then only talk about fun, funny or infamous stories related to it as if I live a normal, healthy life. I can’t drive or work and I can’t stop having seizures despite countless efforts.

After the great exercise class where I met Rosie, I proceeded to have four seizures during the day, luckily all at home with John. They are about as predictable as lottery numbers and while I am lucky they are not physically harmful, I am exhausted and forgetful and scared it will ruin any upcoming plans. This blog – which used to be an easy, fun addition to a day – is taking me hours.

Despite the pain in the ass after the kicking ass, I feel lucky to be alive. I always think about the fact that I survived a brain tumor and have a neurologist/epileptologist who actually wants me to run as we continue the fight against seizures.

I also feel blessed to have healthy family members – especially my kids. Family, friends and neighbors get me through every day and inspire me to want to wake up and make the most of things. I’m finally feeling proud to have survived a change from bread-winning single mother and epilepsy spokesperson to disabled mother seizing the fight against seizures as a full-time job. My New Year’s resolution – my new life resolution – is to work on turning life obstacles into gifts.

A safe, health and happy 2018 to all.