I was having dinner, and some cake, with my boyfriend and his younger son, on that younger son’s birthday, when the waitress loosely referred to me as the teenager’s mother. I tried to catch her – I did the “ugh” thing with my breath – but she walked away. I realized it would have embarrassed the just-turned-16-year-old, so I gave up and kept taking bites of chocolate. I realize now how important it was, maybe more so to me than others. But what do I know? Maybe it means a lot to him that people know I’m not his mom (not to mention you can tell because he has curly hair, he looks as Italian as his last name, and he’s 6 foot 2 to my 5 foot 3) But I digress. I just want to be sure that people, who know the divorce statistics in the world, despite the fact that some people are victims of them and not fans, don’t assume we are all each other’s blood when we are hanging out with a kid. OK that sounded weird and gross.
I also know my kids, who are out in public plenty with their step-mom, look a lot more like her and if I had to guess there isn’t a lot of correcting going on. But kids who have suffered from the torture of a divorce need to remember two things: one, be proud of exactly who we are and where we came from and two, be aware of the fact that we are victims of a society that marries too quickly and easily. I always point out, with passion, that I do not regret a minute of my marriage, because I wouldn’t have my babies. However, when you’re left with a disease, a 1 and 3 year old and a cheating husband, it’s pretty troubling. Perhaps our children can learn from the issue if we don’t brush it aside and say “Ah, divorce is just so common.” As long as they know they are loved and we show them that love. And as long as they understand what family is.
Next time, I plan to turn my “ugh” into a “I’m not his mom, I’m just his girlfriend,” politely, with a smile, so the waitress might think twice about saying it at the next table. I was a waitress once, it was one of my favorite jobs, honestly. At the rate I’m going, being a waitress might be a good way for me to contribute to the social issues of parenting and divorce.
Plus, maybe she would have brought us an extra piece of chocolate cake.
Seize the Day with Sarah 